Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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