Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
