I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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