I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sarcasm needs its own font
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
