True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
