my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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