You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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