Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
