For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
