Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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