dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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