so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
