You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
