isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How external is "for external use only"?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
