I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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