thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
