Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
