Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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