this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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