i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Even my vagina gasped.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
