Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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