Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
