even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
