yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
