i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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