She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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