my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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