how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
