Someone shit on the floor
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i now understand why vodka
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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