It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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