We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
