I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
