and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
