I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
