I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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