it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
