Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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