he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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