He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
