if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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