She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
PANTIES FOUND
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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