I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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