I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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