You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
