He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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