Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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