question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
bring money and cleavage
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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