@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
