Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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