is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
