Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
