I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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