What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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