got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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