1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
