New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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