What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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