Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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