U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
