im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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