You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
