do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
