Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
