I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
