first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
