We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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