I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there's paper in my vomit.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
