look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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