She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
