The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
