Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
