Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
